We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
