made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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