Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
