can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
3pm strippers are depressing
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
