Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
