I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Success! We fucked roommates!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
