In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
