Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
