Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
