shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I looked at my own cervix.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i will never coherently bang her
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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