I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
