I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
