There is no way he is gay with that hair.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
