3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
