I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He kissed a someone with a penis
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
