i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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