i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
