Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
