You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
