is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
