Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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