if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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