i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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