my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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