i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
