Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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