and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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