apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
