I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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