This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
