If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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