No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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