Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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