pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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