your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
