when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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