how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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