The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
