The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
