We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
