I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
