Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
