dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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