I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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