Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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