dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
