these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
