you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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