The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
