wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
