I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
