Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
